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Spring 2016
NCRWA.COM23
feature
I
n the last issue of Tarheel Pipeline, I
told about the forgotten TV series called
Mayberry H2O. One episode begins with a
scene showing a very professional-looking
Otis Campbell sitting behind his desk at
City Hall. Otis’s neat town uniform proudly
displays his title, “Public Works Director”
over his right shirt pocket. Andy Taylor and
Barney Fife are standing in the office talking
to an obviously upset Otis.
“Otis” says Andy, “you have been doing a
fine job since you took over a couple years
ago, I mean a
real
fine job.” (Andy talks
with his classic southern drawl which makes
the single word “fine” last several seconds,
sounding like there are multiple letter “i’s”
in the word – like fi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ine). “Barney,”
Andy asks, “Don’t you think Otis has been
doing a fine job as the director?” Every time
Andy says the word “fine” poor Otis winces a
little like it hurts him to hear the word. “Well
sure Andy,” Barney replies, “everybody says
that Otis has been doing a fine job.” Otis
again reacts to the word, this time with a
grimace and an audible grunt. “You saved
the town a lot of money when you were able
to get the state to let us do annual monitoring
instead of quarterly for those disinfection by-
products. Andy continues, “yes sir, the best
way to describe the type of job your doing
is – fine, fine, fi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ne.” Andy draws
the last “fine” out extra long for emphasis,
but by this time Otis has laid his head down
on his desk and is covering his ears and
groaning. “Otis” exclaims Andy, “what in
the world is wrong with you?” Otis holds up
an official looking letter and explains: “Andy,
the town’s water system just got this Notice
of Violation from the state.” A confused-
looking Barney asks, “well, what are they
going to do to the town?” Otis looks up from
his desk and grimly replies: “A
FINE!
”
Upon returning from commercial break
we find a group of Mayberry’s brightest
residents discussing the N.O.V. Barney is
waving a thick green, paper bound book
around excitedly. (We can only assume that
it is green because the episode is in black
and white). “I’m telling you all” says Barney,
“the state has made a mistake. This here book
says that the maximum contaminant level for
those haloacetic acids is sixty (60) micro-
grams per liter and Otis said that the results
we got for the August sample was only…,”
Barney pauses long enough to look directly
at the sample results on a piece of paper on
the desk and then reads precisely, “zero point
zero four seven “m” “g” slash “L”. In my
book zero point zero four seven (0.047) is a
lot lower than sixty so it can’t be a violation.
Helen Crump, the school teacher, chimes in,
“Barney, I’ve been teaching the kids a new
thing called the metric system so I think I
can help. A “m” “g” slash “L” stands for
milligrams per liter and a milligram per liter
is 1000 times more than a microgram per
liter, therefore the sample results converted
to micrograms would equal 47 micrograms
per liter.” Barney looks dejected and hangs
his head having been shown to be wrong.
“”Wait a minute!” shouts Floyd the Barber,
“47 micrograms is still less than the 60
micrograms, so the N.O.V. really must be
a mistake.” “That’s right” shouts a smiling,
proud-looking Barney, “we’re saved, I knew
I could figure this out.” “Wait a minute
By Marty Wilson, NCRWA Technical Assistance Specialist
Photos are property of the Mount Airy Tourism Development Authority (TDA)
ANOTHER EPISODE OF
MAYBERRY H
2
O
MAYBERRY Gets an NOV