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NCRWA.COM|
Spring 2016
feature
Barney” interjects the stoic Howard Sprauge,
the town clerk. “I’m afraid it’s more
complicated than that. The Rules Governing
Public Water Systems states that when a
system is on an annual sampling schedule
for trihalamethanes and haloacetic acids and
the sample result for the one sample exceeds
seventy-five percent of the MCL then that
system must begin quarterly monitoring
beginning the next quarter. The N.O.V. we
received is because we did not catch a sample
in November since the haloacetic acids were
47 micrograms per liter. 47 is 78.3 percent
of the MCL of 60 for haloacetic acids (47
divided by 60 times 100). Upon hearing this
Otis runs out of the room and the scene ends.
The next scene opens in the Mayor’s office
with the mayor, Andy, Barney and Otis
discussing how to avoid future violations.
Otis is explaining, “I sure am sorry I caused
this violation. I should have known that I
was supposed to catch a sample in the first
quarter after exceeding 75% of the MCL but
to tell you the truth I just didn’t know about
that rule.” Otis is looking very disheveled
and unkempt. “I’m sorry for the way I look
today but I was up all night helping the crew
fix a water leak down below Wally’s Gas
Station and then first thing this morning we
had a sewer stop-up below the Café. You
know I’m also responsible for getting the
garbage picked up and the cemetery needs
to be mowed, and the Ladies’ Auxiliary
wanted me to set up the chairs for their
meeting today and well, with all these rules
and regulations it’s hard to keep up with. You
know it’s almost enough to drive a man to
drinking”. Otis walks to the water cooler and
fills his cup from the dispenser and takes a
long drink.
Andy looks at the Mayor, “Mayor, now right
there is the problem. You know Otis has got
way too much to keep up with. Keeping up
with the water system with all those rules
and regulations and fixing water leaks and
supervising the staff and keeping up with
the budget and the like, well that there is a
full time job in itself.” Otis exclaims “I’ll
drink to that!” and fills his cup again only
to empty it in one swig. “And Mayor,” Andy
continues, “Otis needs more help”. “I’ll
drink to that too” shouts a more cheerful Otis
as he slides his chair next to the water cooler
and fills and empties his cup again. “And you
need to send Otis to those NC Rural Water
Certification schools and training seminars,”
exclaims Andy, now picking up steam.
“Drunking to dat tooo,” slurrs Otis. “And
once Otis gets certified and trained to do his
job better. You need to give him a raise.” “A
RAISE!” screams the mayor. “Yes, a raise”
states Andy, now sounding more confident.
“Once Otis gets trained and certified you need
to pay him a good salary so he doesn’t leave
Mayberry to take a job in Mt. Pilot!” Otis
has been continuously raising his cup as if to
toast an imaginary friend and then filling his
cup from the cooler and toasting again for
every point made by Andy. After Andy’s last
salvo Otis falls completely out of his chair.
Barney walks over to check out the
obviously drunk Otis. “Andy, he’s soused,
I think someone spiked the water cooler.”
Andy walks to the water cooler, fills his cup
and takes a drink. “Well what do you think
Andy,” asks Barney. “Yeah boy,” a grinning
Andy replies, “that there is some fi-i-i-i-i-ne
water.” The scene ends as the group lines up
in front of the water cooler.
Obviously Mayberry H2O was a very
forward thinking show, way ahead of their
time. In fact the disinfection by-product rule
and, for that matter, the NC Rural Water
Association, were not even contemplated
until a decade after the show ended. Critics
panned the show saying it was unrealistic
and unbelievable. They said no one would
ever believe that managing a water system
could be so complicated and demanding.
Nevertheless other episodes were made,
including one about Earnest T. Bass getting
upset and going off about his water bill. But
that, as they say, it a story for another time.