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NCRWA.COM|
Winter 2015
U
nknown to most people there was a spinoff
series of the famous Mayberry TV show
called
Mayberry H
2
O
. In the first episode
Andy Taylor and Howard Sprague are sitting
in the courthouse when Barney Fife comes
rushing in. “Andy, Andy,” screams a panicky
Barney, “call the FBI, someone’s stealing the
town’s water. I’ll get the fingerprint kit and
start dustin’ the fire hydrants.” “Slow down
Barney” admonishes the typically calm Sheriff
Taylor. “What makes you think that someone’s
stealing our water?” “The mayor just told me
that the water loss percentage jumped from
10% to over 17% this month,” exclaims Barney.
“Someone is robbing us blind Andy.” “He’s
right, Andy” Howard, the town clerk, explains.
“The town has been purchasing 600,000 gallons
a month from Mt. Pilot and we usually have
about 60,000 gallons unaccounted water
based on 540,000 gallons we bill and other
authorized use, that’s 10%.” The scene ends
with everyone looking perplexed.
After a commercial break the show continues
as the next scene opens with Andy, Floyd
the Barber, Barney and the Mayor talking
in Floyd’s Barber Shop. The upset Mayor is
ranting and raving about the town running
out of water and Barney is pacing back and
forth as Floyd gives Andy a trim. Howard
enters and states that he has double checked
the billing records and it appears that the
gallons billed was about 250,000 gallons
lower than the previous month. “Oh,” Barney
exclaims, “that’s because we shut down Rafe
Hollister’s still.” “Well that doesn’t help
any,” whines the mayor. “If we sold less
water that just means we bought less from
Mt. Pilot so the water loss percentage should
be the same. “Well maybe and maybe not,”
Andy replies. “Let me do some figuring on
that.” The scene ends with Andy scratching
his chin and looking contemplative.
After another commercial, Andy and Barney
are sitting with their girlfriends, Helen and
Thelma Lou, in the Mayberry Diner. Andy
is examining the data from the billing and
purchase meter records. “Well,” says Andy,
“the mayor was right, the town purchased
250,000 gallons less than the previous month
and that is the same amount that was not
billed out to Rafe Hollister. It sure seems that
the water loss percentage would not change.”
“Wait a minute,” Helen interrupts, “if the
town billed 250,000 gallons less that would
be 290,000 gallons billed and 250,000 less
purchased is 350,000 gallons. That means that
the unaccounted water is still 60,000 gallons
(350,000 – 290,000). The percentage is higher
(60,000 divided by 350,000 =17.1 %) only
because we are purchasing less water.” “So
we are not really losing any more water than
we were before,” states Barney. “I tried to tell
you there was nothing to worry about.” Upon
hearing this, Andy, Helen and Thelma Lou
begin to beat Barney unmercifully.
After yet another commercial break, Andy,
Barney, Opie andAunt Bea are relaxing on the
Taylor house front porch. A bandaged Barney
says, “Andy, you know someday I think there
will be a state wide rural water association
that will go around to small towns and help
them with technical water problems like water
loss and such.” Andy sarcastically responds,
“Sure Barney, and Gomer will join the Marines,
Opie will be a famous Hollywood director,
you’ll make a movie about a man that turns
into a fish and I will star in a TV series about
a country lawyer.” They all look at each other
and laugh. The End.
For some reason this Mayberry spin-off never
made it to TV. I think the show provided
important life lessons like how to calculate
water loss percentage and you shouldn’t say
dumb stuff like Barney or you’ll get beaten up.
Another episode tells the back story of Otis
Campbell who was a sober, upstanding citizen
until he was hired to be the town’s water
system manager. But that’s another story.
By Marty Wilson, NCRWA Technical Specialist
MAYBERRY
H
2
O
system & associate member spotlight
Photos are property of the Mount Airy Tourism Development Authority (TDA)